Relationships are an important aspect of the PERMA model for well-being. It is such a curious thing, what we learn about ourselves through others. Especially those in which we’ve shared deep affection with. In nearly all of my early on travel trailer renovation photos and videos you will see N.P.’s friendly face. He provided me permission to post about him, despite our divide. So where do we stand with one another, currently? At this time, I do not believe that he loves me. However, I do know with absolute full certainty that he did. We did.
Why did we split? When I first met N.P. I was blissfully unaware of how strong our bond would become. I had just exited a 5 year relationship and hopping into another full blown commitment was quite frankly the last thing I was seeking to accomplish. But there we were, two young souls absolutely fascinated with one another. He called me his moon, and he was my sun and stars. Disclaimer: Yes, we watched all seasons of Game of Thrones together.
This was so true for us, though, as my role in our partnership was one of grounding and stability and he, being an artist and creative, literally had no tie to gravity. His brain works completely opposite of mine, and I was attracted to his presence like a moth to the flame. I was submerged in the political world my entire adult experience, up until the point of us meeting. I asked him once, “what do you think about the 2016 presidential election?” and his reply was, “I don’t”. I loved this response. His attention was focused on cooking delicious meals, creating lovely music, and artwork.
Food. Music. Art. The beautiful things that unite humanity! At this time in my life I needed desperately to focus on what brings people together, where I previously had obsessed over what tears humanity apart. Our relationship afforded me an opportunity to see the world through a different lens.
After meeting him, my vision began to clear. It was kind of like putting on a pair of glasses where you finally realize how blurry everything was before. The only barrier I had before I decided to shift my focus toward permaculture and financial liberation was mental. His love had me exploding with confidence and made me feel like the most powerful being in the universe. And so I became.
I realized that I must criticize the world in which I previously viewed in such a troublesome way by creating the future I know is possible, beginning with myself. Leading by example. Doing so in style.
I took a huge leap of faith purchasing a used travel trailer to be parked deep in the Texas hill country and I’m not sure I would have jumped into this lifestyle so soon, had he not been involved in my decision making. The feeling of comfort I experienced knowing that I’d have a best friend by my side was a catalyst for making my unconventional dwelling a reality.
Although I am blessed that he embarked on this adventure with me, I wasn’t entirely surprised when he told me that this chapter in our lives had closed. We went our separate ways with grace.
Why? A sustainable and healthy relationship must serve all involved, and this includes being inline with our individual self. At a certain point we were living for each other rather than fully actualizing ourselves. Perhaps Ayn Rand expressed this sentiment most thoroughly:
“To say ‘I love you’ one must first know how to say the ‘I.’ The meaning of the ‘I’ is an independent, self-sufficient entity that does not exist for the sake of any other person. A person who exists only for the sake of his loved one is not an independent entity, but a spiritual parasite. The love of a parasite is worth nothing.”
I’m grateful for what we had. My memories of us are fond and I have no regrets.
If it’s the beaches.